I probably shouldn’t be joking about this, because it’s not actually true. But I am realizing that my life would be more comfortable here in Berlin if I were gay. First off. I’ve gone on and on about how beautiful the women in Ukraine are. I know it, human traffickers know it, and even the [...]
Archive for September, 2009
Berlin is making me gay
Posted in Uncategorized on September 25, 2009 | 3 Comments »
Fun with German words
Posted in Uncategorized on September 23, 2009 | 4 Comments »
There is just something fantastic (or fantastisch!) about German vocabulary. The common perception is that Germans are straight-forward, literal and as a by-product, not funny. I say bully to that! It’s this literal approach to everything — including language — that makes for oodles of funny. At least to me. When a German wishes to [...]
Kyrylo Fesenko — Where the chocolate hits the peanut butter
Posted in Uncategorized on September 21, 2009 | 1 Comment »
One day the word “Fesenko” will be like “karaoke.” It will be something people go to bars to do for fun. I’m not sure, exactly, what it will be, but it will be entertaining. — Henry Abbott, Truehoop. I love the NBA. I love Ukraine. I love irreverent comedy. Amazingly these three elements somehow conflate [...]
Haunted by the souls of a million departed meals
Posted in Uncategorized on September 18, 2009 | 11 Comments »
I have no sense of smell. This doesn’t mean I am disabled — though I once listed myself as such on a job application for the “zoo” in Waterloo Park. I am differently-abled. One such different ability is to tread in places so rank, so vile, so feculent, few would dare enter. I probably even [...]
The Rural Alberta Advantage
Posted in Uncategorized on September 16, 2009 | 4 Comments »
Maybe four or five years ago I vowed never to write about music. I find, for me anyway, doing so tends to suck the fun out of listening to it. But I’d be remiss if I didn’t give a huge shout-out, as well as a mini-sorry, to the awesome band The Rural Alberta Advantage. Thankfully [...]
(miniature incontinent) Drivers Wanted
Posted in Uncategorized on September 14, 2009 | 2 Comments »
I asked my friend Jurg which word in German he thought was the best. His answer was immediate and totally awesome: Ordnung. Ordnung basically means order. It’s the concept from which nearly all German stereotypes originate — and it’s real. So consider this an introduction to a concept that is sure pop up frequently on [...]
I still wish I knew how to quit you…
Posted in Uncategorized on September 11, 2009 | 5 Comments »
I am a damned idiot! In my last post I confidently procliamed this: It’s been 36 hours since I last had a puff. You may not think that this is a long time, but it’s actually much worse than if I’d said, 72 hours, or 144 hours. I’ll tell you dear friends. 72 hours is [...]
I wish I knew how to quit you…
Posted in Uncategorized on September 9, 2009 | 2 Comments »
In Ukraine a pack of Marlboros costs $1 Cdn. They’re pretty much the most expensive smokes you can buy. Up until last week I was smoking at least a pack of them a day. In the 10 years (minus a 2 month break in 2005) that I have been smoking this was easily my worst [...]
Begging for change
Posted in Uncategorized on September 7, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
I’m in Germany now. Summer is slipping away. So I figured it’d be best if I changed the site around a bit. New name, new banner, same old fucking nonsense. I still have a few left-over posts from Ukraine that I’ll put up, but I imagine a lot of the content will become more and [...]
Sammy’s Choice: Auschwitz or KFC pt. II
Posted in Uncategorized on September 6, 2009 | 2 Comments »
Okay… I chose the mall in all of it’s shameful shimmering glory. Like you didn’t already know. But please, let me explain. You have to understand that the difference between Poland and Ukraine is a lot like Back To The Future. When I got off the train in Krakow it was like when Marty McFly [...]
